Mission 2: Give Yourself a Break. Give Others a Break.

Topic of post:

1. How to feed the right wolf and become your own best friend

2. Understanding the point of your life; what you really want out of it

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Give yourself a break:

A few years ago something happened that completely shocked me. An epiphany based on the most insignificant of events. Something we've all done. The significance wasn't in the act itself, but rather how I processed it.

Story time:

I'm getting myself ready for the day and walk out the door. When I reach my car I realize I had left my keys in the house.

Not every story is a long one.

Here's the thing... In my younger years this would have completely set me off. OH MY GLOB THE INCONVENIENCE OF IT ALL. "You fucking stupid ass fucker. You seriously forgot your keys!?" I would say to myself. The walk back was a frustrated walk of shame, cursing myself and the world I lived in the whole way. "I CAN'T BELIEVE I WOULD DO THIS TO MYSELF" I would think as I held myself to the highest of standards. Ah, the younger years...

Hard right turn time! Here's a different version of the same "Feed The Right Wolf" video that's listed on the main page of this website. They're both goodies:

Years later when I had my epiphany I didn't yet know the story of the two wolves, but I had been working on becoming my own best friend for quite a while. Treating myself with kid gloves. Embracing my future self, as I discussed in the last post, and then making choices in the moment that builds a bridge to that person. Without knowing it I had started my journey of feeding the right wolf. Putting good in and getting good back out.

Spoiler alert: I forgot my keys again! Epiphany strikes! This time my reaction was completely different. I giggled to myself "Haha, you silly little bitch. You left your keys in the house!". I got out of my car and enjoyed the fresh air on the way back inside. I remember it was a beautiful day. Grabbed my keys and listened to a tune in my head on the way back to the car, completely unaffected by the hiccup. Not even aware it was a hiccup. In fact, it was not. Just something to do to complete my mission of leaving for the day. Sometimes goals take more steps than you planned for to complete and I was willing to happily give whatever it takes. I had released the pressure valve on my life.

There's a critical piece in this that I want to shine a light on: You are 2 people. The person you choose to be (person 1) and the person you naturally are (person 2). I didn't choose to react that way just as I sure as shit didn't choose to break myself down in my early years from the same event. No thought went into how I should process that event. I had used person 1 for so long that it had changed me at my core. I was choosing to stop myself from reacting naturally when I felt negative emotions towards myself and others. I instead started thinking of who I wanted to become and formed my reaction based on that person. I had chosen to do that for so long that person 2 was now changed as a result.

I... was changed!

Pro Tip: You can't go from negative straight to positive. Imagine your negative emotions (rage, anger, fear, hate, etc) are a car that is picking up speed. If you try to switch into reverse you'll completely blow your motor. Don't try going from negative to positive. Instead try focusing on getting into neutral. Go from negative to neutral where you feel nothing and aren't moving. THEN switch gears and you'll find you can reverse course with ease to travel down happier metaphorical roads. What's that you say? You just learned self control!? Proud of you!

It blew my mind. Proof that all the work I had been doing on myself was shaping me at my core and leading me towards different outcomes in life. To actually being a different person than I was before. Through constant efforts (person 1) I changed my own narrative. I changed my inner voice. I was free.

Give others a break:

From this philosophy I started asking myself "What will it help?". Something would happen. Anything. You get called into work on a day off and you don't like it. Someone rear ends you and damages your car. You can react negatively. You are justified in doing so. No one would blame you. You can scream at the driver and your boss and throw all the tantrums.

Have you gotten anywhere or are you in the same place you were when you started, only now more frayed & exhausted? Let me be clear: Life isn't all sunshine & rainbows. If you are being physically attacked (as an example) and you can't safely run or otherwise talk them down/disengage then rage will absolutely help you navigate that event. Fear can help you avoid a bad situation. The point is before you allow yourself to feel the emotion you need to ask yourself what outcome that emotion will lead you to. Ask yourself where other emotions will lead you. It's simple after that. Pick the emotion that will take you in the direction you want to go. The greater point is that it is now your choice on how you feel about any situation.

You can change the outcome of those situations by asking yourself what emotion would best help you navigate through them. If your boss calls you in and you spend your entire shift bitching about having to work... Well... You're going to get out the minimum because you've evaporated all the goodwill from your decision to help. If instead you come in and give all you have with a positive attitude, going above and beyond to not only do your work but to help and motivate others... That could lead to a raise and promotion when stacked together. Even more importantly than that: YOU WON'T BE MISERABLE ANYMORE. It's amazing how giving other's a break will also give yourself one too, isn't it? When you make others suffer through your negative shit you don't realize you've given yourself a front row seat to the show.

One term my generation coined is YOLO. While people have used that phrase to be as dumb as they possibly can be, it's actually a great wisdom to keep at heart. You DO only live once. Why are you wasting the moment choosing to be miserable and project that out towards the world? The real answer to that will be covered in many, many future posts... but the secret is you don't have to be. Just give yourself a break.

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How this helps:

How doesn't it help!?

Small inconveniences melt away.

No one listens when they are being yelled at. That includes you yelling at yourself. You stop being your own worst enemy and become your best friend.

Practically: I forgot my keys far less often afterwards because I had the space to sit down with myself and examine what went wrong. How my routine broke down to create a situation where I would forget my keys and how I could change so that I wouldn't anymore. F.Y.I. I created small redundancies within my morning routines so that I would check myself from different angles to make sure I had my shit together.

Obviously this has more significance than just your keys. Apply this to your whole life and see the change you create ripple through your environment.

Extra Credit:

Funny enough -- Some people might call person 1 fake, but that's only when you're using it for evil. To mask your shitty behavior behind a veneer of virtue to get away with being... just the worst.

When you use it for good it's no longer called "fake". It becomes "growth".