Mission 1: Take Control

Topic of post:

1. How to start to take control over your life. How to let decisions be YOURS to make and not the world's.

2. How to find your authentic voice through this process and let it guide you.

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You are more than your past.

Well... That's not completely accurate. You CAN BE more than your past... IF you choose to be. You can become more than the collection of events that have happened to you. You can become more than the decisions you have made based on those events. Most people will live their lives and never hear their true voice. The person that sits behind the personality the world has molded them into being. Not for not, most people don’t care. The world the way it is… works for them. It’s the old “pretty people don’t need to put in effort because they’re already accepted just for being pretty” concept. Well, the same is true for those that are just naturally well adjusted. Those that willingly trade their lives for comfort thinking that equals happiness. After all, why try harder than you have to if you’re already accepted just for being you? Society does a great job at keeping people busy and giving them things to do. Most are perfectly resolved and content in grinding their life away at a job they may be good at, but have no passion for. 

This blog isn’t for those people. It’s for those whose life doesn’t come easily. It’s for the people who try to fit in but feel hollow. It's also for the well adjusted that want to push past the minimum to maximize their fulfillment as a unique human being. Anyone with a belief that life can be more. That life not only can, but SHOULD be an immersive, diverse, and fun thing to live through -- but who look around and only see gray where there should be color. 

I was obsessed with how to be happy growing up. I could feel, though, that with every attempt I made at it there was this hidden force that kept slapping me down; forever chained to feelings of depression and despair. I would reach pockets of happiness until the next wave of suck came crashing through my life. I was a hopeless romantic, forever mourning the loss of my failed relationships. I wanted to find happiness but even that desire betrayed me and caused more pain. A constant depressive spiral feeding into itself. 

So how did I change? For me, it was a couple simple ideas that first changed my life for the better. First, I realized that if there can be a depressive spiral that feeds itself then there can also be a happiness spiral that constantly builds me. A happiness train that takes momentum and drives itself. First, however, I needed to restructure or cut ties with what was in me that was attaching to these negative situations. The part of me that wanted to throw fuel on the fire instead of putting it out. A part of me I felt I could not control. I didn't know where it came from.

This is different than most self help philosophies. Addiction recovery (as an example) focuses on external influences, telling people to cut external negative ties. My philosophy teaches to heal what's inside you that attaches to these negative things so you are no longer trapped by them. The difference is I can walk through a drug den and not be tempted to imbibe. The difference is that others will tell you it's a lifelong battle where you can never trust yourself again. I said FUCK THAT immediately. I would never choose to be chained in such a way. In order to break free, though, I had to understand the problem. What was driving my life's car I mentioned in the first post... because it sure as shit wasn't me.

So many of our current decisions are tied to our emotions. That “gut” feeling. Have you ever stopped to ask what is fueling your emotions? Where do your decisions really come from? Go ahead and take a moment. Think this through. I'll still be here when your finished.

What did you come up with!? Leave a comment below if you got something different than my answer.

Decisions come from the input of a lifetime of moments. External experiences, both good & bad, that fuels the way we feel about things. When stripped all the way down every human is essentially a biological computer. Your brain is the hardware and your ego the OS. We receive input from an external source, process it, and give an output as a response. That process defines what & how we think. Lessons learned that, when combined, influence your present moment in every way possible. How you see the world. How you see yourself. All of those are driven by external influences. The world pushing, pulling, bending and breaking you into what it thinks you should be. Added together it creates the large bulk of your identity. It drives every decision you make.

An easy example of this is touching the stove as a kid. That external input taught you that the eye is hot. Here's the thing though... That input/output relationship exists within literally everything you do and up until now it has CONTROLLED YOUR EVERY DECISION. Think that's a false statement? Try willingly putting your hand on a hot stove eye and feel everything in you revolting against the idea (please don't actually do it. This is a thought exercise not a challenge to be stupid).

You might not take a road today because there was traffic the day before. You might not grab railings as an adult because you got a bad splinter as a kid. You might choose to buy a new pen based on your interactions with previous pens. You wipe your butt a certain way based on past shitty experiences. It's everything. A constant stream of external input coming at you and the lessons you learn from processing it (your output, your identity)... But that's the thing isn't it? IT IS ALL EXTERNAL INPUT. In other words, the world gives you an action: There is poo on your ass. You give a reaction: Wipe it a certain way... but it's not you giving the reaction. For better or worse its your collection of past experiences that make most, if not all, of your current decisions. Memories combined together that decide how you navigate through life.

You are more than your past.

Well... *read above.

So, "ok" you say. "How do I do it? How do I find my real voice and make decisions based on that instead of the voice the world has given me? Preferably not the Fight Club way..."

Glad you asked!

One of the quickest ways of finding your true voice is to start pulling from your amazing future and work backwards to the present moment. This is different than what you have been doing: Letting your past define your present. Mazes are always easier to solve backwards and let's be clear: Life at the best of times is a fun hedge maze of excitement and at its worst, a terrifying labyrinth of despair... But they're all still mazes one must navigate.

Think only of how you want to feel in the future. Not who you want to be, nor what your goals are or anything physical really. If you think about what job you'll have, some position of "importance", just go ahead and slap yourself. Don't even put words to the emotions. Just imagine and FEEL it. Most goals/dreams are built from our past, but how we want to feel is completely personal and unique to us. Some might think their best life is to feel full of excitement. Some might think it’s being huddled with someone they love around a quiet fire; feeling content. Some might wish for their life to be completely still; embodying all the peaceful vibes. Humans are a spectrum of amazing complexity when it comes to emotions. How you envision feeling in your perfect future is yours and yours alone. It is ok to think about “someone” but not a specific person. Saying you want to be surrounded by friends in your dream is different than hoping specific people stay in your life. Again, the whole point is to push the world out and maybe for the first time, hear your own authentic voice. 

Pro Tip: Your inner voice speaks in feelings more than it does words. The first step in finding it is always separating YOUR feelings from what the world has made/convinced you to feel. It's a tangled fucking mess at first. It all sounds like the same voice. You think your internal dialogue, a.k.a. the voice the world has molded for you, is your voice. Not for not... You would be correct. Up until now it's the only voice you've probably known outside of a handful of gut decisions you couldn't explain. That's why this method works so well. It's an instant filter. Ok, back to our regularly scheduled programming:

Once you can feel your best future self, come back to reality and confront your present with choices that will get you there. Learn to crave those choices and block out all other voices. Ever been on a diet? Easy example. Addicted to drugs (Including legal ones like alcohol, nicotine, & sugar)? Less easy example, but the process is the exact same. Diets & addictions are so hard because the only voice you know and listen to is the conditioned identity the world has given you. Your sugar and food addictions combined with unhealthy coping mechanisms that keep you locked into loops. Never ending cycles of try/fail/try again. The toddler inside you only wanting what you now can't have. It's all your past that you are choosing to bring into your present. How can this be proven true? Easy peasy. You only know it's now missing in your life because you remember experiencing it in YOUR PAST. Do you crave eating tree frogs or doing the ancient drugs of Antarctica? Nope. Why? Because you never experienced it. Your only problem is that you are stuck listening to the only voice you know. The voice built by the world based on all your past experiences.

If you break free from that voice and listen to your future self you will find a whole new experience. The loop becomes a line. Ah, sweet fucking freedom. You're envisioned best future self is free from all chains, dents, and scars that keep your current self suppressed. Your best future self is in full control and only puts good into your system. Your best future self should be your best friend.

You'll find you crave good foods because you want to feel good. The temptation for junk melts away because you now know who you'll become. You're now living for your best future. You are living on purpose. You are living for a future where you feel confident and full of energy. Where you can confront the world without buffers and crutches. You'll care about living healthy because of how you FEEL instead of how you look or what weight you're at. You'll stop drinking in excess because you'll no longer be able to tolerate the cost. You'll be excited to cook new recipes and take care of yourself because you'll finally know the sound of your own voice and what it means to nurture yourself. Letting that voice guide you to becoming your best self. Like I said above: A positivity spiral that builds and builds you instead of the world's voice breaking you down.

Heady observation: You're still a computer. We cannot change our biological cores. Our brains were made to constantly digest information. Our egos were made to process that information. The only thing that is different is you have changed your source of input from the world to your true inner voice. This gives you control over your present moment. Another way of saying this (that will be covered more deeply in a future post) is this: Experience drives emotion. Emotion drives action. All your learning to do here is to change the source of the experience to one that is under your control. We have been gifted with ability to imagine. To dream. Using that tool allows us to stop being a product of our past, but it doesn't change anything about us on a core level. We're still, and always will be, computers constantly digesting information. Ok, back to our regularly scheduled programming:

Take some time to practice this. Every time someone asks you a question or you need to make a choice/decide something stop yourself and take a moment. This includes internal decisions. Consciously think about the best future you can imagine. One where you’re the best version of yourself you can dream of. Once you’ve got that person in your mind, make the decision based on what best gets you to that person. You'll be surprised at how different your decisions become. Where once you might fight with a friend or relative, now you might listen. Where once you might stay in the rut, now you might choose to walk into the unknown -- Not stopping until you find where you're meant to be. Hell... Where once you might buy the dependable pen, now you might consider your desires and true needs and choose something new. On the flip side, you might keep the same pen, but now it is truly your choice to do so. The point is to stop letting your past push you into your future and instead let your chosen future pull you into it by framing your present. To truly have a choice where once you feel you didn't.

Influence is a constant force in this world. You can't stop it, but you can change the source.

If you keep a journal, document the changes as they occur. It was amazing for me personally to see how my decisions and choices changed when I was making them based off of who I am and not who the world has made me be. 

This is how you begin to take control over your own life.

-- J

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How this helps:

I can use a story the whole world is familiar with. COVID. When the world shut down everypony felt isolated and alone. I felt isolated and alone. Where some ponies used this as an excuse to break down, I saw it as a need to be filled. A challenge to conquer. Because masks were mandated and no one liked wearing them (& liked even less being told to wear them) I decided to make mine fun. I hand stitched a mask with some string lights inside. While I did it for myself, it was an instant hit with everyone who saw it. People kept asking me to make some for them too and a company was born. I ended up developing the idea. I first replaced the string lights with a fiber optic version. Then I developed a mask with a fully programmable screen inside the mask! Where a lot of my friends allowed the event of COVID to isolate and break them down, I used it as a way to connect even deeper to the world. Now I could brighten somepony's day even from 6 feet away.

COVID protocols went away. I was left with a mask company in a world that didn't want to wear them. I could have used the loss of sales to pity myself and blame the world for not wanting to wear masks anymore (& yes, I know. Not a good color on me). Instead, I used what I had built as a jumping off point to expand and see what else I could create. What else I could put screens in to light up the whole damn world. I grew.

My secret to how I made both of these decisions lies completely in the lesson I wrote above. I saw COVID as raw energy. An event life had thrown my way. I could label it as a "bad" event and let it break me down as it did most. Crucially however, I realized that how I processed it was my choice. I thought of the best possible outcome for me in it. It was one where I was safe and felt connected to people. Being a former raver (still one at heart) I love lights. Instantly my idea clicked and my future was realized. I turned what most used as an excuse to break down as fuel to build myself up.

These lessons, when applied correctly, will change the entire trajectory of your life.

Extra Credit:

Have you ever just reacted to something? No thought, no decision. Just reacted. When the world's voice is so loud that you feel you have no choice but to act a certain way. It boils out of you. This is when you have the biggest choice of all. Learning and using the above technique will eventually lead you to being able to hack your mind. To create a constant filter that looks at every situation as a series of choices to make. Some choices will keep you locked in. Some will set you free. I'll say it again: When you feel you have no choice... That's when you have the biggest choice of all. This technique is the first step on your road to having complete control over your emotions. To choose how you WANT to feel about a situation instead of letting your past tell you how you should feel.

The coolest part of this whole process is the moment when you close your eyes to envision your future self and realize that you can now see an even better future for yourself today than you could yesterday. #Growth

If the goal is a feeling, then life can be bliss.